


Pin the grenade

by indecisivemess



Series: Sanders Sides system shenanigans [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Dissociation just in general, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Fights, Flirting all around, Not Beta Read, References to Depression, The Mindscape, The sides are his alters, They get just a bit violent, tell me if i need to add more tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:26:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23120155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indecisivemess/pseuds/indecisivemess
Summary: You'd think that being relatively successful on a platform where he influenced millions of people per day would be the weirdest thing he could have ever come up with, but that was until his alters started flirting with each other. Not that he knew how to react to that, but it was still kinda cute to watch.(Yes, the title is from that one blink-182 song, I've been getting really obcessed with their stuff recently. Plus I got the idea to do this fic cuz of it, so like-)
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders
Series: Sanders Sides system shenanigans [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1695934
Comments: 6
Kudos: 52





	Pin the grenade

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I'm not in any way, shape or form implying that Thomas had DID. Or that his series is a faithfull representation of the disorder. He and Joan have said multiple times how it is a completely different thing, but I, as a system, felt extremelly reassured when I found this series, and the few common points it has with my life just make my imagination run wild. 
> 
> I just want to put something special out there for all the systems that are just as big of a fan of Thomas as I am. I do not have an Inner world, tho, so a lot of what i described of it is mostly what I got from research and from asking my partner about it (he has been diagnosed with DID too). Feedback on that is still apreciated!

Thomas opened his eyes, blinking a few times. He always felt slightly giddy whenever Patton wanted to front for a little bit. He still hadn’t figured out why, but it didn’t seem like it was a bad thing, so he just shrugged it off and looked around the Mindscape, checking to see if any of his head mates was walking around. From where he was standing, the answer would be a big nope, seeing as no one was around what everyone called the Common Room, and he felt slightly guilty for that, like that fact was his fault.

Rubbing his face to break through his negativity, he tried his best to not blame himself. He had been extremely busy over the last few weeks! Well, more like months, but it wasn’t totally just on him. Joan and that brilliant mind of theirs kept having amazing ideas and Thomas could simply blink and boom, five more projects were added to their list. Not that that was a bad thing, just- no time to let others front when that happened. Or more like, not wanting to let others front when that was the case. He knew his alters were people like him, but he couldn’t help but be a bit selfish when it came to his career related situations.

He did his best to ignore the memories of the last time this had happened, of the chaos that had caused. He stomped his feet particularly hard against the floor, the muffled sounds exactly the same against the old carpet as the ones back at his place. I mean, his Mindscape was an imperfect copy of his house, so little details like this one would obviously be the same.

Something was moving on his peripheral, and for a second, his heart shot out of his chest, forgetting that this wasn’t his real apartment. As soon as his eyes landed on Roman’s princely attire, through the gap that showed him the kitchen, however, he could feel himself relax, shyly toning down his reactions in shame.

\- Hey, Roman – the host said cautiously, waving shortly. – What’s up?

The person in question turned around, eyebrows knitted in confusion, but soon his eyes were sparkling, much to Thomas’s surprise. His alter was quickly approaching, and he was hugging him tight before he could say anything on the matter.

\- _Finally_. Thought you’d have to pass out again to show up back here.

That ripped an awkward laugh out of their host, who gently wiggled out of the embrace.

\- Almost happened, but yea.

The dashing smile on Roman’s face rapidly fell and Thomas was nervous again.

\- Ah, it was a joke, I’m sorry--!

\- Why do you two gotta be so loud first thing in the morning?

Roman and Thomas turned to the new voice behind them, and lo and behold, Virgil was standing right there. Strange, he usually wouldn’t leave his room when Patton was in control.

\- What are you doing here, storm cloud? – the fictive shot in his direction, but Virgil pretty much ignored him, making his two finger salute at Thomas before walking past them, looking for something in the cupboards.

Princey made an offended noise, glaring at his back, but then the anxious one was speaking.

\- Decided to crash up here with us?

Despite not turning around, pulling things out from their places and then putting them back to where they were before, the other two knew who he was referring to.

\- Oh, uhm, yea, you can say that – the host rubbed the back of his neck. – I promised Patton I’d scoot in a little space for him next time I wanted some cookies.

Virgil nodded, and turned to face Thomas, very obviously holding Roman’s favorite cereal, which the royal had tried to hide behind the cans. The cardboard flaps slipped open easily, and his eyes never left Roman’s as he shook the box around.

\- Hey--!

\- Shh, I’m talking to Thomas – Virgil said, shoving a hand inside the box and throwing a handful of cereal inside his mouth.

Roman was anything but happy with that, but he couldn’t do much besides piercing through his with his gaze, still prohibited of using his sword after last time.

\- Let’s hope he doesn’t burn the kitchen again.

It had been a sarcastic comment, but everyone present knew the old persecutor cared for their caretaker. They still remember the look of horror on his face when he realized something was burning in the real world, how quickly he tried to front to solve the mess Patton had caused by accident so no one would get hurt.

Thomas laughed awkwardly, not knowing how to reply. Roman seemed to be in a similar position, or maybe he was just pouting as Virgil just kept wasting his cereal away. He just couldn’t stand this for much longer!

\- You know, that is my special treat in times of-

\- Does it look like I care? – the anxious one glared at him, before a flash of regret passed through his eyes, his grip on the box slowly getting weaker.

He had done it again. That was very close to snapping. Was it considered snapping already? Yea, most definitely. He was getting bad again. He could never be a just a normal protector, could he? He would always be the mess that-

Roman stepped closer to him, but Virgil noticed his movements, the flinch that wrecked through his body making him aware of where he was again. Thomas was there too, he looked concerned? Confused. Definitely confused. Why would he care about you. The thing he was holding, the box, was gently leaving his grip, and he almost retaliated, but his thoughts came back full force, closing up his throat and stealing his air. He can’t snap at them if he can’t say anything, right?

\- I can always conjure more of the same later – Roman said softly, looking him in the eyes as he reached for Virgil’s hand. – But there is only one of you, dark knight. Please remember that.

The anxious alter could only stare at his face, completely dumbfounded for a couple of seconds, before looking down at the hand Roman was keeping between his. He had barely processed the touch, but he was sure it was warm. Warm and safe. He took a big breath in, taking a while to regain his compose, but once he did, he rapidly pretended like nothing had happened, a smirk already slipping into his lips.

\- What will you do if I don’t? – he said teasingly, shoving his free hand in the pocket of his hoodie, the other never fleeing from Roman’s touch.

The shift in his attitude seemed to have surprised the romantic one, but he quickly gathered his bearings, straightening his back. Oh, it was a contest he wanted, he would give him one.

\- Well, _if_ that happens, I will force you to do something unpleasant. – the quick flash of panic in Virgil’s eyes poured acidic dread into his stomach, pushing him to clear up what he meant. – L-Like, uh, a cuddle session.

“Yes, wow, so smooth, Roman”, he thought to himself, taking in the look the other was giving him as a bad reaction to what he had said. His nose was scrunched up, a confused look directed at his person, and just the smallest hint of mockery in his smile. Oh, he was a fool! Not just the clown, but the whole Court!

\- That’s your go-to example of an unpleasant situation?

\- O-Obviously not – he rolled his shoulders back, trying to look more confident. – I’m the regal one, after all. But I know you, Horned King, and I know for a fact that you wouldn’t enjoy that.

Virgil’s face crinkled adorably when he snorted, the Disney reference to his favorite movie sparking that happy glint into his eyes. There it was, the soft features and the untensed shoulders. Roman could get used to this, just watching him be relaxed and happy with himself.

\- You’re giving me more reasons to be broody, Princey.

Roman frowned, confused for a second as he processed what he could mean. Was, this his way of admitting he wanted to cuddle him? Sure, Virgil looked as touch starved as he was, but on any normal day, he would judge him with his eyes and leave him hanging with no answer. Maybe, he could put the other at ease if he gave up the change of being the big spoon-!

\- That’s a word I don’t hear too often. Specially not from you, Count Dracula– he said instead, not even realizing he had fixated so hard on that.

The emo raised an eyebrow at him.

\- Your point?

\- Ah, I mean. You must have been spending a lot of time in Logan’s room if you picked that up.

That sounded more rancid than he had meant to. There was nothing wrong with the fact that Virgil had been getting closer to Logan as of late. Yes, it was completely cool and normal. Totally. He definitely wasn’t jealous of that.

\- What, you jealous?

Roman almost squeaked. A burn settled just under his heart, setting his blood ablaze. He wasn’t sure if he was scared or embarrassed, uncapable of judging his own emotions when Virgil had his eyes centered on him like _that_ , but with a bit of luck, it was probably both.

\- W-What are you even saying?! – he laughed nervously, one of his hands already flaunting around in his usual skittish shenanigans. – Why would I ever--?

\- Oh? – that dangerous, irresistible smirk of his was quickly forming and Roman could already feel his throat drying up. – You definitely are.

\- I’m not--!

\- Sure, loverboy, keep telling yourself that.

Virgil’s voice was soft even through the teasing, his smile easing up as he patted his hand firmly, before his touch was gone. Roman hadn’t even realize he was still holding onto him. A feeling similar to fear rose up his throat as the other moved to leave, but it quickly died down as he grabbed his cereal again, his villain like expression back on as he passed by him, his hips swaying way more than necessary.

\- Thanks for the cereal.

Was all he said as he left the kitchen, not giving Roman the change to retaliate. The creative alter could only stand there, watching him disappear from his sight, his heart beating faster than it should as he noticed the hand that had touched his knight was tingling slightly.

\- Uhm – Thomas began, smiling shyly.

The sound still scared the crap out of Roman, who had forgotten he was there, but he promptly tried to conceal his reactions, fiddling with his stash, his trademark nervous tick.

\- Yes, Thomas? – he rapidly replied.

\- So – the host giggled, looking extremely happy for some reason. – You and Virgil, huh?

Roman thinks he had never felt his face burn up quite so easily in the history of his brilliant existence.

\- W-What do you mean? – even he could tell his voice was getting high pitched, but he resisted the urge to bite his lip.

\- Oh c’mon. – Thomas was definitely amused with his suffering. – You said it yourself, you’re the romantic one. So maybe, be honest about what you’re feeling right now?

But what was he feeling right now? Besides shame. That completely drowned out every other emotion he might have had. The sensation of Virgil’s hand between his palms quickly came back to him, and instinctively, he curled his fists, trying to ignore just how much he wanted to feel it again.

\- I don’t know what you’re talking about, Thomas.

The host toned down his teasing, taking a step closer and patting his shoulder. Roman was just that much taller than him, so the comforting gesture came out looking a bit awkward, but that was alright. It was the thought that counted.

\- Sorry about that, buddy. You don’t need to be ashamed of that. If you really don’t like him like that, that’s alright. I’m sorry if I misunderstood.

Roman stared at his friend, focusing on his compassionate attempts as he sighed. He truly tried to weight down his options, but he wasn’t sure what to say here. His prince suit suddenly felt so tight, like it was squeezing around his chest, making it hard to breathe; constricting his movements.

\- No, you aren’t... wrong. Not necessarily.

Thomas nodded slowly, showing him that he was listening, but as much as Roman liked to brag about himself, his more than inappropriate feelings were a very sore subject, and he really didn’t want to talk about them. So he did the next best thing.

\- But do not worry with such frivolous questions, Thomas! We have so many possibilities to waste our time on! Like binge watching cinematographic masterpieces.

His voice was exaggerated, his enthusiasm leaking through every crack in his self-esteem, but the host seemed to buy into it, visibly relaxing as he giggled.

\- True. I could use a break – he peeked around, smiling in that kind way of his. – Grab the snacks while I go pick a movie?

\- You’re the boss, applesauce.

Roman had even snapped his fingers and pointed his finger guns at him in a rare moment of true despair, but thankfully that only made Thomas’s laugh lighter. He intensely stared as their host slipped into the living room, turning on the TV and doing all the boring steps to find anything worthy of their time, and the prince took the opportunity to do some breathing exercises while the bag of popcorn spinned around in the microwave.

He somehow pulled it together, and the bits of him that managed to stay out in the open were covered with loud speaking and booming fake laughter, which always seemed to work. Thomas didn’t notice a thing, his innocent smile so similar to Patton’s that, for a second, Roman almost blew his cover from confusion alone.

Some time passed. Their eyes were sore from staring at the screen and from shedding a couple too many tears, but they were happy, and they enjoyed the company. The Mind Scape worked in fascinating ways, especially when it came to the passage of time, and suddenly, Patton was running around and up the stairs, without so much as a warning. Roman immediately worried, since the caretaker would usually come closer and warn everyone that he was back and that another alter had taken his place, but this time, he just fled.

The prince peeked to his left, confirming that their host was still there, and his curiosity was slowly becoming annoying. There were banging doors in the distance for a minute until everything was back to silence, the paused movie fizzling behind them in calm tranquility. Thomas was the first to speak up.

\- Is everything alright? – he looked like a lost child, holding up his features before he broke down crying. – That didn’t look okay.

Roman wasn’t entirely sure to what he was referring to, but no matter what, he was going to figure it out. His first idea was to check the front, so he did just that without much of a second thought, just staring straight ahead as he let his consciousness slip away. It seemed like an eternity until he finally got any stimulus from the real world, but by the way the body felt tense and erect, it was definitely Logan that was handing things now.

For some reason or another, the alter in question denied him the chance to see what was going on, so Roman stopped pushing, pouting heavily as he crossed his arms over his chest.

\- Roman?

He almost wanted to groan, wrecking his brain to think of reasons and solutions. For some reason, everything was coming out blank, and the impending doom that he was failing Thomas was quickly getting to him. Suddenly, he jumped to his feet, shaking off that nasty feeling, and did his best to appear royal.

\- Do not worry, Thomas. I’ll figure out what is going on, or so let the Dragon Witch kill me.

The host seemed to want to contradict him in some way, so he promptly shushed him up, clicking on the remote to bring the movie back to life. The expected sound that came from the television was so loud in contrast to the previous silence, but Roman ignored it, breaking into a sprint up the stairs before anyone could stop him.

His first stop was Patton’s room. He rolled back his shoulders and straightened his posture before knocking, and for once, tried to be patient when he was greeted with silence. Ever so persistent, he tried it one more time, not so discreetly leaning his ear against the door to check for any noises, but none came. Not wanting to be defeated so easily, he marched onto the second best option, which was Virgil’s room. They were the bestest of friends, after all. Their little troublemaker looked positively neutral today, so maybe they could put their differences aside and work together beautifully like the prince had always dreamed of.

He doesn’t remember much of what happened. Virgil had opened the door, clearly in a bad mood for some reason, and even with Roman’s careful attempts at asking him what had happened, the other blew up, snapping left and right. On any other occasion, the royal would maybe walk away, or shoot a spiteful remark and disappear, but today of all days, the pointed words of his companion bothered him immensely, personally affecting his feelings, and every cell in his body screamed with hurt and rage.

And then they were fighting. Roman was nowhere near close to figuring out what had happened to Patton, and Virgil was quickly attacking him to see if the royal would back away, but now that he had made it personal, there was no way he was leaving.

\- Now stop pretending like you care and get out of my sight – the words were shot with incredibly powerful venom, and something bubbled inside of Roman as the other moved to throw the door at his face.

His body was bringing him forward before he could change his mind, using his strength to his advantage as he pushed the door open again, and the shock that flashed across Virgil’s features would have normally brought him back to his senses, but he barely registered it.

\- Unfortunately, I do. – the prince stated firmly, standing tall and proud in front of him, the perfect mask. – And I’m aware you think I’m the biggest liar in the whole Mindscape, and that you have no solid reason to believe me, but _by Zeus_ , I’ve been trying. If you can’t see my efforts, then that’s _your_ problem.

\- There we go – the other growled, rolling his eyes. – Bouncing the blame back to me. So mature. And you say you’ve improved.

Virgil seemed to want to keep on rambling, but that pointed look of his was quickly getting to Roman’s nerves, his fists shaking from unreleased fury, and then everything unfocused. His hand hurt like hell, like his bones had been smashed and his skin torn apart, and when he looked down to check what had happened, it appeared just like he had predicted. Panic crawled up his throat, his eyes quickly flying to meet Virgil’s, but thankfully he hadn’t hit the other. He held his fist as he checked the situation, noticing the small smudge of blood on the wall right by the frame of the door, and Virgil’s gaze was nothing in comparison with the mortifying realization that he had almost hit him.

They both stared at the ground in silence, their feelings slowly dying down as they took in the faded colors of the carpet under their feet.

Roman wanted to open his mouth to apologize, to fix the mess he had caused, but when he finally managed to face Virgil again, his voice escaped him, and the other slowly closed the door on him, avoiding his gaze. The last glimpse the royal got of his face was the most horrible painting of sadness and hurt, and the prince couldn’t handle the fact that he had been the sole creator of such a disaster.

Back in the Common Room, the host waited patiently for anyone to come down the stairs, really, immensely concerned for all of his alters, but when no one came down after the screams toned down, he realized that maybe he had been left alone for good. He tried focusing on the movie, he really did, but without his buddy there to criticize the film, and maybe throw popcorn at him when he noticed he had gotten sad, it just wasn’t the same.

Thomas doesn’t remember when he fell asleep, which only added to his confusion, but when he felt the blanket being gently dropped over him, he knew immediately who was there.

\- Pat? – he hushed, shifting under the comfort.

There was a small noise, and he used all of his energy to peel his eyes open, the light blue invading his vision.

\- I-I didn’t mean to wake you up, kiddo. Go back to sleep, alright?

Thomas almost complied, his head heavy as he fought his eyelids to stay open, but a flashing memory of Patton running up the stairs jolted him awake. The caretaker didn’t seem happy that he didn’t want to rest more, and honestly, he didn’t really want to talk with anyone right now, but Thomas had that determined look set in place, and he couldn’t just say no to that.

\- You’re worried about earlier, aren’t you?

The host nodded, putting on the effort on looking interested on the story, and after a couple of stretches, he was all ready to go. Patton sighed quietly, and his hands moved to hold the ends of his cardigan, his fingers just that little bit trembly.

\- I didn’t burn the kitchen this time, if that’s what you’re wondering. – he giggled weakly, trying to lighten up the mood, but his smile quickly slipped away. – One of your friends came by. I don’t know his name, I’m sorry. But he just, walked in as soon as I opened the door for him, and started being really rude- he didn’t even take his shoes off!- and started complaining about you not replying to his texts??

The confusion was clear in Patton’s face, and soon after, on Thomas’s too, both of them wrecking them minds to figure out who it might have been.

\- Anyways, he sat on the couch and didn’t want to leave until you explained yourself, but I’m not you, so I obviously didn’t know what to tell him, but he just got mad at me, saying that was faking “being the cute idiot to pass this time”??

The caretaker was quickly loosing his breath at the speed at which he was talking, and Thomas almost felt overwhelmed with the situation, until his words rang home. Oh no. Patton was still going, explaining what this mysterious man was doing and not doing, and the host was sinking in on himself, realizing that one of his abusive friends had tried to hurt him again.

\- Then Virgil realized what was happening.

It was like the air got ice cold, stabbing at their lungs and chilling their veins. It was never good when Virgil got out. Last time the system noticed that he hadn’t warn Deceit about the switch, Thomas found that he had bought a small dagger, god knows from where.

\- I don’t- things got a bit foggy after that – Patton pushed through, holding his head as he tried to remember what had happened. – We were like, both there at the same time?? I know some of y’all have done that, but I thought, that it was kinda not possible with me?

Thomas stayed quiet for a while, the word just at the tip of his tongue. Logan was the smart one, not him.

\- You mean co-fronting? – he tried anyways, the doubt clear in his voice.

He was glad he tried just by the happy response he got out of Patton, the couch shaking with the sudden bouncing from the other.

\- Yea, that’s it! – the caregiver’s smile was almost blinding, that is, until he remembered he still had a story to finish. – Anyways, Virgil didn’t do anything bad. He was there for moral support?? Well, more so to make me less soft. He threatened to call the police, and then kicked the guy out of the house. Literally.

It was strange how Patton seemed to be the one embarrassed by Virgil’s actions if, from the situation, he had nothing to do with them, but the host didn’t push further, simply reaching out a caring hand and rubbing his back. It was very obvious how the cardigan lover appreciated the touch, peeking at Thomas and offering him a small smile, and the silence stretched between them as Patton relaxed, fidgeting with his hands.

\- So everything is okay? – the host tried after a while, that nagging question the only piece of the puzzle he didn’t quite get.

The muscles under his palm tensed at the question, Patton’s expressions back to uneasy.

\- I’d like to think that, but... – he forced himself to take a deep breath in, his eyes glued to the ground. – The... stranger made some, bad threats, before leaving. Virgil didn’t take them well.

Thomas’s brain urged him to ask for more clarification than that, but his mouth was glued shut, the words stuck to his throat. The silence fell back over them, even if the host couldn’t really stand it. It was getting under his skin, knowing some parts of the story, but not enough to know what had happened. He should be used to this by now. He _had_ to be used to this by now.

He could sense someone was staring at him, and his eyes followed that instinct, meeting with Patton’s worried ones. The dad figure was already opening his mouth, knowing he wouldn’t have the host’s attention for too long, but Thomas shook his head, cutting him off.

\- I’m just gonna go back to sleep, okay? Gonna catch those z’s.

Even to himself he sounded tired. It was not like he didn’t want to sleep, he just was exhausted in a different way. Deep down inside his heart, like an itch that wouldn’t go away. It got heavier with every breath he took, so maybe if he was asleep, he wouldn’t notice it.

Patton must have sensed something was up, by the way his gaze lingered, but he didn’t comment on it, simply patting him on the head and leaving him to that.

The days passed. Thomas took the front again once Logan deemed so adequate, and the host almost forgot about the whole mess that had happened before, his head much quieter than usual. Truth be told, every time Virgil decided to go sulk to his room and not let anyone come in, things got a little calmer, but it was strange how even Roman was quiet now. He’d be the most active every timer they had the script ready to go, the prince simply loving the camera attention he received, for some reason, but this time, not even that worked out.

Worried about what could be happening inside his own head, Thomas calmly took a seat at his couch, taking a deep breath and letting his consciousness travel. His vision got slightly unfocused around the edges, like everywhere he looked was only but a product of a very vivid dream, and then he could clearly picture the yellows and blacks the gatekeeper was known for. A mixture of flowing out of his body and being hugged back to it embraced his existence, but he ignored it for now, focusing on what he wanted to say to Deceit.

\- Hey, uh – he started, blinking forcefully so his eyes wouldn’t get dry. – Do you know why everything seems so calm lately?

\- Yea, cuz I’ve been banging everyone as soon as they come into my sight!

The excitedly loud and wicked voice was the last thing he expected, and Thomas, in the real world, actually jumped of the couch at the contrast, having expected to reach Deceit’s calm and sultry tone.

\- No, you haven’t – there it was, the alter he was looking for.

\- Don’t ruin my fun!

\- I must. It’s just so appealing.

\- Okay now – Thomas finally spoke up, hoping to catch their attention. - I’d like to speak to Deceit only, please??

\- Nope! – Remus replied almost instantly, and the core could almost picture the way he would say it, shifting around in his place, or holding onto their gatekeeper. Considering his situation, maybe he was actually seeing him do those things, but he could never be exactly sure. – I’m staying where my king goes.

Their host opened his mouth in confusion, wanting to ask what he meant with that, but Deceit quickly hurried in the middle of their conversation, shortly clearing his throat.

\- What was it that you asked for, Thomas?

\- Uh – the person in question stumbled upon his words, trying to set his train of thought back on track. – I was wondering why everything sounds so quiet.

The answer didn’t came to him immediately, like their link had disconnected and he was now back to screaming at the void. He wasn’t sure why, since he had been having a pretty good day so far, but the familiar electric, restless energy went up his arms, and rapidly spread throughout his body. He could feel himself fidgeting, bouncing his leg, but he couldn’t see it, not exactly. He just knew he was doing it. When he decided that he should speak up again, that’s when Deceit’s voice came back to him.

\- To be completely honest with you, I have no idea. I could tell you Remus had once again messed up with something of Roman’s, but his room is off limits even for our loveable trash rat, so it’s not on him.

\- Oh. That is really weird...

\- Our emo has been really quiet too... he doesn’t even wants to play with me.

Thomas found himself being shocked over this new fact, the very evident sadness in Remus tone just worrying him even more.

\- D-Do you think—

\- No. – Deceit quickly cut him off, already knowing what he was going to say. – I wouldn’t allow that to happen. Not again.

The host nodded to himself, but his alter’s words fell flat. The last time Virgil had actually tried to integrate was like an open wound in everyone’s memories, and an extremely painful one at that. They all had tried to forget about it, to let it heal in their own ways, but no one had truly recovered from that. Thomas could still hear Patton’s sobs of relief when they finally found their old persecutor.

\- Okay – Thomas nodded, his head feeling much lighter by the second. – Okay, thank you. I trust you to handle this.

He wasn’t sure how, but he knew Deceit had smiled at him for those words. The host hated how the sting of the lie that coated them accompanied him as he worked on focusing back on the real world, and he promptly tried to shake it off, but he knew it wouldn’t go away so soon.

Little did he know that, in the Mindscape, Virgil was currently wrecking his brain, fighting against his pride and failing. It hadn’t been his fault, okay? The dude had just hit all of his spots and he had gone feral! The others could freak out over Thomas’s well being too, right? And in this case, not just Thomas, since Patton was being the punching bag.

Nonetheless, the guilt had promptly consumed him. Even if he hadn’t done something wrong by protecting Patton, the way he had spoken to Roman hadn’t been the most respectful. He knew that. He knew it, and yet, he had still reacted poorly. He still went back to his old ways and locked himself away from the world. The others were so annoying too. Consequences of actually having friends, he supposed.

Virgil sighed heavily, roughly running his hands through his hair. There were only two courses of action: keep being the douchebag and making everyone worry, or going out there and fixing this mess. He didn’t need to be specific; no one needed to be triggered by that random dude’s words, and he had a feeling Roman and his enormous ego wouldn’t be the one to make the first step, so what did he had to lose? He had been in worst situations, much worst situations. It was not like he was gonna die because of this.

He kept convincing himself, breathing in and out and moving his hands around like that would keep this sudden wave of rationality nearby, and weirdly enough, it seemed to be working. The usually tingly sensation of the adrenaline pumping through his veins was already present, but a foreigner, mighty strength held his heart in place. He could do this.

Before he could chicken out, Virgil threw his door open, even if he regretted the way it hit the nearest wall with a loud, dry noise. He instinctively looked around, like a predator on the hunt, and quickly shoved his hands inside his pockets to stop himself from chewing on his own fingers. He could do this.

The whole walk up to Princey’s room was not too long, and yet, not short enough. This restless energy was rapidly tiring him out, and the distinct lack of his head mates around wasn’t helping on easing that out. The door in front of him was just like all the others, but for some reason, it felt different. More important, like it was impending over him. It was frustratingly boring.

The salty protector knocked on it when his hand finally obeyed him, but not a single sound could be heard from the other side. Assuming he had held back his strength over the nervousness that was quickly pouring in, he doubled the vigor in his actions, hissing as he tried to ignore how the wood rasped against his knuckles.

This time, he heard something, even if he wasn’t sure on what it was exactly. Virgil decided to wait for anything more concrete, really, but knowing the other wasn’t dead yet was a good first step. On the other side of said door, however, Roman stayed in place, feeling the rush of panic course through him. Well, more like, course through his body. He was feeling weirdly disconnected from himself, like his physique and his mind were two very separate things. He knew for a fact that his legs were trembling, that his hands felt cold, that he was getting very sweaty under all the blankets pilling up over him, but his thoughts came out blank. His head was completely empty, for once, but at the same time so heavy. Everything felt heavy really, and it wasn’t on the weight that he himself had created.

A third knock came around, and he could only imagine that whoever was on the other side was either gonna give up after not getting a reply this time around, or instead, would haunt him until he opened up. He truly hoped the unknown person would choose the first option.

\- Fucking- c’mon dude – Virgil’s voice came through the door, but even muffled like it was, it sparked something in Roman.

He wouldn’t call it a reaction, it was more like a reason. A hand, stretched out, pulling him from the dark, deep seas of depression that had engulfed him and firmly pulling him up, the distinct blur of his love’s purple hair his only focus as the water rushed past his ears.

Although, the royal hated that he was back. The emotions he had been repressing for the past few days were quickly coming back to him, and the air around him felt heavy and hot. He couldn’t breathe. He was trashing around, kicking at his covers and dramatically holding his shirt over his anxiety fueled heart, when his muse finally spoke up again.

\- I know you’re in there – his words were firm, but soothing, like a gentle summer rain. – I just wanna talk.

That didn’t sound right. Virgil, talking to him, after he almost hurt him? Was he dreaming? He must have been, another nightmare to haunt him. Great, he thought to himself, his brain was finding creative ways to attack him now. Only when his bare feet hit the cold floor did he realize that he had untangled himself from his bed, and the icy shiver that ran up his spine truly snapped him back. He felt so gross. Not princely at all.

There was a quiet sigh, and the sound of steps, and Roman almost panicked, thinking Virgil would leave him after not getting any replies, but his shadow stayed in place, the light seeping under his door and into the darkness of his confinement the only thing anchoring him to reality.

The silence was heavier than his feelings. Or it was adding onto them. His artistic vein wasn’t helping with the metaphors after the last couple of days of sulking.

\- Talk about what? – the noise came from his throat, short and raspy. Roman was surprised that had been his actual voice.

Through the small barrier separating them, Virgil was surprised too.

\- Are you sick, dude??

\- What- no! – he said, before proceeding to cough his lungs out, his throat drier than a dessert. – I’m not, I swear!

The anxious alter moved around, leaning his left side against the door. Something was tugging him in. He wanted to be closer to Roman for some reason. Not that he was worried for him, he knew the drama queen was probably just blowing things out of proportion, but there was a calling, like a sixth sense, forcing him to stay.

\- I believe you, I guess – he called out, resting his head on the wood. – Why won’t you leave your room then?

He hadn’t meant to sound accusatory, but when the silence greeted him, he couldn’t help but freak out, tracing back his words and trying to remember how he had said them. Fuck, he couldn’t remember it-

\- You know why.

His brows knitted together before he could even process what Roman had said.

\- No I don’t. Why would I be asking if I did.

Once again, nothing. This time around, Virgil didn’t feel panicky, just a tad bit annoyed. Who did Roman think he was to- “Nope, you can’t think like that. You’re better now”, the alter chanted to himself, slumping against the door. “You’re here to make peace with him.”

\- I don’t know – the royal answered truthfully, taking a step closer towards the door.

He could sense it, the distance between them dissipating. Not just because he had stepped closer, obviously, but he felt like he could reach out and everything would be okay. He had no evidence to back out that theory, but his heart was burning up, his own forced stagnancy getting on his nerves. Maybe he would understand? I mean, Virgil out of all people wouldn’t have come here looking for answers if he wasn’t open to the possibilities.

Taking a deep breath, and then proceeding to take his time expelling it, he wrapped his hand around the doorknob, twisting it around. Thankfully, Virgil heard the metallic noises before his support was being tugged away from him, but, nonetheless, he still did his best to pretend like he hadn’t been leaning on it.

To put it simply, Roman looked like a mess. And not a hot one at that. His hair was all over the place, his clothes clearly dirty, gross sweat stains in the most inconvenient of places, and the air that came out of his room was just stuffy. Like he hadn’t moved at all for a whole week. Guilt crawled his way up his chest, even if he logically knew that hadn’t been necessarily his fault. He held back his tongue anyways, thinking carefully over his words as he kept his best neutral face on.

\- So, what about me knowing things?

Yes, great job, loser.

Usually, he’d already be drowning in self pity at this point, but Roman was acting so strange. He was gripping the hem of his dirty shirt with shaky hands, his eyes glued to the ground. Only then did it hit him that the royal wasn’t wearing his prince suit, and that fact shook his whole world. Something was very wrong. Before he could act on his instincts, however, Roman’s posture suddenly changed, a determined look on his eyes as he lifted his head to look at him. Just from the intensity of his stare alone, Virgil could feel his heart pounding already.

\- I... apologize. I’m the royalty around these parts and yet, I was the villain in your story. And for that, I’m truly sorry.

Virgil was sure his eyes had never been this wide before. Roman was, apologizing?? And for what??

\- W-What are you--?

The royal took a step closer, and somehow, even without the proper attire, it was just like his aura embraced him, stretching out behind him like a perfect golden cape. He looked and smelled nasty, but his mind forgot about that for a second, his breath catching in his throat as Roman took his hand. The fact that his skin felt so rough against his own pale hands shocked him more than the bit about Princey touching him. He thought the other would take care of himself, practically bathe in creams and shit. Just knowing something as simple as this made Roman look much more human to him.

\- I admire you. Truthfully and thoroughly – his fingers slowly moved, gently caressing Virgil’s hand, taking in every single sensation, every bump and every scar. – You’re a hero. You’re the true hero of his kingdom.

The sudden shift threw Virgil off guard, specifically the language, and he almost wanted to escape, this weird fictive talk freaking him out for some reason. He thought Roman was past that, but apparently not.

\- Roman, what--?

A sharp tug on his hand brought him closer, making him stumble on his own two feet, but Princey was there to catch him, holding both of his hands. He could feel his breath on his face from how close they were. All he had to do was lean in and their bodies would be pressed together. Virgil didn’t know if this was some sort of fever reaction to something or if the other had finally gone mad, but the uncertainties froze him in place, waiting for what he would say next.

\- I almost punched you. Didn’t you notice that?

Oh. Oh, so that was what this was about. In all honesty, the alter in question had forgotten about that fairly quickly, so focused on his own mistakes. He totally deserved it, in his opinion. Unfortunately, he hadn’t really hit him, so what was the big deal??

\- I did, but- why does that matter?

That seemed to be the wrong answer, by the way Roman’s features fell. His gaze looked so lost, the hold on his hands weakening.

\- I-I almost... I almost hit you, Virgil – he sounded so heartbroken. – L-Like... like he-

\- No. – Virgil’s firm tone quickly cut him off, his gaze cold and harsh. – You’re _not_ like him. And you’ll never will be.

\- But-

\- Did I fucking stutter?

Roman shivered, the other’s rough tone almost ripping a whimper out of him.

\- No...

\- Then can you stop making a big deal out of that and speak to me like I’m a normal person? – if he didn’t know better, Roman would almost suspect Virgil was getting mad. – I’m not a hero. I’m me. I’m a bunch of mistakes under an oversized hoodie, trying to live. It’s cool and all that you have a crush on me, but do _not_ put me on a pedestal.

The protector widened his eyes at the words that left his mouth, trying to go over what he had just said, but Roman’s beautifully blushy cheeks quickly distracted him from that task, all rational thoughts out the window in seconds. He wanted to touch that. He wanted to make that blush so much worse-

\- I-Is that, a bad thought I hear?

His cute, embarrassed voice made his little gay thoughts tone down just a bit, and when he leaned away to better look at his face, Roman had the most teasing smirk he had ever seen. That was not what was supposed to happen. Where the hell had that confidence even come from?? Wasn’t the gay prince supposed to be embarrassed? Was he admitting he had a crush on him-

\- What??

\- Oh, you heard me – Princey finally let go of his hands, resting them on his own hips, and with his posture now back to royal standards, he could truly tower over his little love. – I think I swore to punish you next time you spoke ill about yourself.

Now it was Virgil’s turn to blush, his face burning under his foundation, and he wished for nothing more but a dark hole to hide in.

\- I don’t know what you’re talking about – he grumbled, taking the smallest of steps away from him, but Roman confidently followed him, his seductive eyes trapping him in place.

\- Oh, you do. I know you do.

His tone was smooth, like he was flirting with him, and Virgil almost feared what would happen next, his anxiety ridden brain already prepared to flinch away if Roman as must as thought about touching him, but the sudden wave of nervousness was gone as quickly as it came, as the prince took a step back, easing his smile and making a small bow.

If he noticed Virgil’s internal freakshow, he would never know, but the rapid change of approach did spare him the heart attack at least.

\- I will be returning to my quarters now. You can wait for me right there, or you can go back to your room, but a cuddle session is in process! – Roman declared, pointing his index towards the ceiling as he stroke a pose. – Just let me go back to my fabulous self, and then you can have me.

The anxious alter almost choked at his words, the underlining ridiculousness and the borderline sexual implications behind his words setting his heart rate back to what it was before. On the outside, that was barely noticeable, but he wasn’t sure for how much longer he could keep that up.

\- You say that as if we’re gonna hook up or something.

No, you fucking idiot, what are you saying-

\- There is a time for everything, my love – Roman hushed, that weirdly seductive smirk back on his lips, and then he was softly closing the door on him, letting Virgil alone with his thoughts.

**Author's Note:**

> Roman totally didnt die after he fled to his room xD
> 
> Just to clarify the alter roles if someone got confused about that:
> 
> Roman: used to be a fictive, but developed to just be the dramatic gay we all know.  
> Virgil: ex persecutor, still working on getting to become a protector.  
> Patton: i called him caregiver a lot, but just a protector.  
> Logan: normal guy, not a specific role.  
> Deceit: gatekeeper, but everyone is too chaotic for him to actually be able to do his job properly.  
> Remus: sexual protector (may or may not do something with this)


End file.
